Beyond Good Intentions: What Sponsoring a Child Really Teaches You

Beyond Good Intentions: What Sponsoring a Child Really Teaches You

When I first decided to sponsor a child on a Native American reservation, I thought I understood what that meant — connection, support, maybe even the quiet satisfaction of “making a difference.” What I didn’t realize was how complex, humbling, troubled and deeply human the journey would be.

This reflection is based on my experience at Pine Ridge Reservation, where for twelve years I’ve sponsored Miss N., and eventually still help her extended family. The path has been filled with moments of gratitude, confusion, growth, uncertainty, misunderstandings, confusion, and as a bonus: unexpected love. 

It’s not the kind of story that fits neatly into the feel-good, romantic boxes most organizations present — it’s messier, more real, and for sure it has many hidden corners that somehow, I would have liked to see beforehand, but thinking about it, the same principles apply to life.

If you’re considering sponsorship through one of those large non-profits, I invite you to read this post with an open heart. 

What follows are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned — not as a donor, but as a person walking beside one child and her family, learning what giving and receiving really mean.

1. Acceptance is the first law of Spirit. 

2. Let go of expectations. Things won’t unfold the way you imagine, and people won’t always behave how you think they should.

3. You only ever "see" what you are told. No matter how connected you feel, most of what’s really happening is beyond your reach, especially when you live so far away from your sponsored child.

4. Give unconditionally. Or don’t give at all. This has to become part of your ministry in the world.

5. At times, your generosity will be taken advantage of.

6. Relationships may hinge on financial support. If you give, you get information, If you don’t: silence.

7. Prepare for heartbreaking news. Frequently.

8. If you’re not Indigenous or blood-related, don’t expect access to information through social services. Even if the child is removed by CPS, caseworkers are unlikely to engage with you.

9. Many resources are promised; few are delivered. Often there’s “no room”for one more child, no follow-ups—and you're left in the cold fending for your sponsored kid.

10. Environment is everything. Sober, committed adults. Healthy friendships. Stability. These matter even more on the reservation, but usually that is not the case.

11. Distant support feels like an unreachable gift. It’s there—but often out of grasp.

    
    

    Now I understand why so many sponsors walk away from sponsorship after a year or two.

     I've gained compassion—and humility. 

    Are things meant to be this way? 

    Maybe it’s not about changing anything, but about showing up with care. 

    Still, I often question whether I was meant to intervene at all.

I think about how my life has been enriched because of this connection. How one small step took me into a new whole chapter of my life. I am grateful I took this chance. 

The truth is, the world has a way of twisting even our best intentions. 

That’s why experience matters.

Would I have started this connection in a different way, knowing what I know now? Most likely.  

If you read all through here, let me encourage you: I totally, 100% recommend sponsoring a child in Pine Ridge, SD. or any other place in the world. It will surely change you, your life vision will expand, your heart will grow along with your patience. 

Your gratitude will be multiplied and you will find sweet loving people that at first seem impenetrable, but at the chore they're caring and loving just like every other human being walking on this earth.

Peace! 💝   

Moving on steady

February is already here and 'we' are still kicking! Woot! Woot! 2024 arrived with some heavy packages dragging from that insane plague that disrupted the world and stopped everything and everyone.

Meanwhile, from about May 2022 until October 2023... my girl in Pine Ridge, Miss N., disappeared. She ran away with other teens. She was in big trouble, being a teenager, with no mom or dad around It would have been an unexpected surprise if she had stayed in school like any other teenager. Drugs are rampant in the reservation and without a dedicated responsible adult guiding her steps, it was almost predictable that she was going to get into this dark aisle. 

Since the day I visited her in Pine Ridge in 2017 based on her life experiences, environment, and statistics, I put this option on my brain shelf: this scenario, (or worse) was a possible outcome. Even though I was "prepared", this deeply upset me. 

She was nowhere to be found, for weeks, wandering the streets of Pine Ridge with another bunch of teens in a similar situation. Thankfully, she still remembered my phone number, so she would call me when she was hungry, crying, upset, or high... She would share that she was hungry and cold...that she was living in an abandoned trailer (without running water or electricity) with four or five other kids, doing drugs. I would try without success to convince her to turn herself into CPS. 

Through that long period, I was calling and writing everyone, from the Organization that connected me to her 12 years ago, One Spirit to her family members, to a few organizations involved in youth rehabilitation, to Naomi Schaefer Riley the author of 'The new trail of tears', to people in Pine Ridge that seemed to know better than me, and of course her case worker, who never answered any of my text messages or phone calls... 

What could be done for this girl? Any place she could go, anyone to find her on the streets and HELP...ANYONE?  This is the answer that I got the most: "That's the way it is here at the rez"... (Shrug and silence). 

Are there no other options? Nothing we can do for these kids...? Apparently, that is the way it is...

It took Miss.N to get into serious trouble with the police, in October 2023, for her to get the help that she needed. She was arrested and sent to youth jail. From there, to a detox facility in another state far from South Dakota. In a way I was relieved, she would be eating, sleeping in a safe place, and getting rehabilitation, education, and care, all under an indigenous cultural environment. In a way, it was a miracle, a privilege that she ended up there.   

She is going to spend a few more weeks in this facility before she returns "home". Yet that home is akin to tossing her back into a fire pit! I am exasperated by the systemic failures and the apparent blindness of those overseeing this situation. 

If someone is aware of her predicament, why do they persist in allowing such demeaning treatment? How can we as a society, subject this young person, who has endured unthinkable life's challenges alone, to such scraps.        

I'm not talking about the facility she is currently in. (I will not share this info for privacy reasons). They have taken her in with such love, care, and understanding. When I visited her last weekend, I saw it in her eyes, in her body, in her Spirit. Being there has been a lifesaver! Unfortunately, this is in place only for a few more weeks, when the plan is to return her back to the reservation.

We had a meeting with her counselor and another lady who manages all the information for culturally appropriate educational facilities that she could assist to when her time is up here. I really hope that we can find a place where she can have the constant support, structure, and education that she needs. There are only two years left before she turns 18, and by then, she will be on her own. No more government support. I worry a lot. But as we all know, worrying doesn't do anything. So I am actively looking for places that can support this person walk into new situations that will end up uplifting her into adulthood.      

Why aren't there more facilities to assist indigenous kids in her situation? Where are the people that care? where's the assistance? Where are the helpers? Where's humanity? 😩        I get that not everyone has an altruistic personality, but a little empathy maybe?  

As I struggle with my thoughts and how the world works, I will keep putting my feet on the line as much as I can. 

I am open to any information that any of you reading this post could share with me regarding the next steps to go forward with this huge undertaking. 

Gratitude 🩷✨  

  2017 at Crazy Horse Memorial. 

Catching up

This was supposed to be a post for Instagram for November 2023, but when I finally,(after half an hour of writing), tried posting, a banner popped up announcing that my post had "too many characters"... Suddenly I remembered that I have this blog where (hopefully) no one will tell me that I write too much!😆

I left the post here brewing for three months... 😾 

Lack of technological knowledge is a problem for me in these times, I accept it!

If you are on this blog for the first time, and reading this post, I am repeating the story of how I started (and stopped 😭 ugh!) writing these stories. They are real. I got into them all by myself. 

For the past years, I have put three different (go-fund-me) fundraisers (all for December gifting) to be able to buy toys, and other items, toiletries and clothes, and gift cards for a family of (now 8 people in total) in Pine Ridge, SD. It could have been anywhere else in the world, but I was directed to this area for some mysterious reasons.

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Needless to say, I have been criticized by many people, with harsh words about gifting this way, starting with the argument that giving to only a few people promotes jealousy amongst them, that these kids don’t need all these useless toys,(there might be some true in that 😑) and that this action is not going to save them or prevent them from being on drugs, or being abused nor will keep them away from drinking. The most used phrase I've heard is: "It won't change their lives". (Shrug).

That my effort is a meager act of egocentric "savior" complex just to make me feel better 😠. 

I listen, but I do have a different reason for why I do this, and yes, I totally think that it might be selfish, and for sure it makes me feel like a wholesome human being.

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I think that we are like octopuses… 🐙 with so many magic limbs, that we keep to ourselves. 

Our limbs need to be extended out there to connect with others. 

The question is... if we can, why don’t we? Fear is what keeps most of us bound, fear of change, fear of what if… not trusting our inner compass, fear of the imagined complications that will come attached to our limbs extending to strangers… there are so many valid reasons why to keep ourselves contracted and quiet.

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I believe this is my reason for living. If I can make someone feel good or special, give a compliment, or share a glimpse of hope... If I can make someone giggle… my job is done, and it has been done well. True, I did not save the world, but maybe I made someone's day a little better.  

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My hopes and wishes are that we all get involved one way or another with someone who is having a challenging time and give from that bottomless love-pit that we all humans came with, to share in the world. 💓💓💓

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I hope you have an inspired and productive rest of the week. Let’s remember and be grateful for all the opportunities we have been given in our lives, even though some experiences look and feel ugly, they seem to be presented to us to use for our own advancement, to expand our consciousness beyond our own boundaries and beliefs, if we even bother to look within.

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I will leave you with some pictures of a few of the gifts that I've bought with the donations I have received through the years.

Gratitude always ✨❤️✨

  

The third fundraiser has been up and going since October! 

THIRD FUNDRAISER 👈🏽 HERE ❤️✨

As I get super excited to go forward with all the details, planning, and energy that this endeavor takes, I half forget that we are in the middle of a pandemic that has affected many people negatively, has turned the world upside down, and has made fear king in some parts of the population. I pray for the ones who have lost family and friends to this unprecedented virus.

These worldly events, as challenging as they are, only make me want to help more. My goals and dreams, get bigger and stronger as my connection to Spirit has always been my main lifeline and I regard this world as a playground and large classroom. 

The fundraiser has done Okay for a month and a half, but honestly, I expected it would be easier to collect donations. 

I keep this thought in my head that everyone gets as excited as me when giving to someone else's cause... but ugh! Actually, it has proven that I just need intensive learning on "strategies to get people to give money to my fundraiser". All good! I keep learning as I go and keep my goal clear and sparkly in front of me. 

This picture is my treasure and happy moment! This is my WHY I do this, right here!!❤️

I have already started buying a few items, which actually is the fun part, my studio looks like a toy storage place! Here are some pics of the stuff I have been buying, I spoke to Miss N. (my sponsored girl) and we discussed the long list of toys and gifts that everyone would like for Christmas. 

Then I came up with the idea that SHE would be the one delivering the gifts to all her siblings and family members, allowing her to have this experience of giving to her loved ones. 

As I write this, many thoughts come into my mind at once, like a shouting crowd, I hear questions like: What do you know what her experience should be? Is this like an experiment of some sort? Do you think that you will actually change her life? what makes you think that this is so crucial? These voices pick my brain, trying to awaken me to a higher purpose, which I might not be able to see yet, and meanwhile, I will do what I have seen brings happiness, hope, and joy to this world. (And to me, because, after all, this is a selfish act too. It is for me to feel happy while making others happy.)  

My whole life has always been about leaving things alone, as whenever I have tried to push so hard for something, it seldom works out. But then again, I ask myself, how do we create something if we don't "push" a little?

I leave you with a few pictures of the bounty that I have bought so far, I have TWO weeks before I ship all these gifts! 

If you feel moved to give to this campaign please do! This is a once-a-year giving and it is only me doing it all with love and gratitude for life and the gifts it has given me.

Thank you and love to you ❤️✨ always, 

Andre

     

I know I'm slow.

Today I feel like writing long, catching up with everything I have not been writing up in my blog since 2016.

Never 100% sure where this is going, other than expressing my own experiences, having the thought that I will be stepping on someone's toes, shrinking myself, hiding these stories. 

I had this vision of having this blog ready and full of content, just like magic, telling you all the stories we've embarked on since 2013 with our sponsored girl and friend, from Pine Ridge, South Dakota, Nalaw.

I want to tell you about the last Christmas project, how was the process of finding money to buy gifts, wrapping and sending gifts to her and her family of seven. 

About last summer (2019) when I flew out to Rapid City, drove to Pine Ridge in a rental car,  picked her up to bring her for the first time to California, encountered an upset-resistant uncle with two pre-teen boys with mad faces behind him, went to some local government office to sign paperwork with her aunt to authorize her to travel with me, drove back with her to the hotel in Rapid City and flew back to Cali the next day. I want to tell you what are we doing this year with supporting her and her family.

2019.

 

Around October, I started the shopping spree for Christmas gifts for all seven family members. I realized that it was too late for another go-fund-me campaign.

I had started that campaign in about July (2018), having about 6 months to collect $1000.

 

I figured I would just be more mindful of my shopping/budget giving that I would be chipping in on my own.  

While shopping I had the realization, that my dream of "becoming Santa when I grew up" had become a reality. I was actually doing what I thought I would when I was about 6 years old.

I knew I couldn't send gifts only to Nalaw, and leave all the other kids and parents out of the picture. 

Stuff started happening, little miracles, where I would get extra money from extra jobs. I would sell more expensive jewelry... That is how I was able to manifest this whole idea into reality.

I have heard that if you have a clear intention, the Universe will provide the rest! 

Here are some pics of that Christmas 2019. I will continue on the next post with more adventures!

 

Stay well! 💜✨  

 

 

  

Catching up and some learning curves.

When I started this blog a few years ago I was full of enthusiasm and wonder about Native cultures in general. 

Not that I'm not enthusiastic anymore, but during my travels, definitively some things have shifted, crystallizations have been broken down, points of view changed, discoveries have been made, and education has been broadened as I keep going deeper...

I have been learning as I go, to look at everything with wide-open eyes

and a quiet mouth and mind.

I appreciate my new friends. They have given me a new point of view, making me question my own beliefs about life.

At times, that has been somewhat challenging for me.

It's inevitable that the cultural-social environment that I grew up in,  shaped the way I see the world. It happens to all of us. All my beliefs, my boundaries, things I can tolerate, my feelings, reactions,  behaviors unknown to me, what is acceptable, deal breakers, rituals, and concepts: shaken and upside-down.

As I read my previous posts, I can see the ethnocentric way of seeing things and writing on my end. I don't think that will ever stop, no matter how hard I try. I have a tendency to approach lots of things with an artistic"restaurateur eyes": How can I make something better and prettier when in my view it is "broken" or "ugly"?

These statements are philosophically charged. I could be 
shreding every one of my own statements and thoughts to pieces. 

Soon I started having conversations in my head with "someone else", that culturally speaking, did not have anything in common with me. 

It went something like this:

What makes you think that your way is better? How do you know that people are not happy the way it is? What makes you think that all of this isn't a perfect plan, for you, and everyone else you meet? How essential do you think you are? What would be different if you were at home and nothing had happened? Would their lives be any different? How about if you had never watched Ken Burnes, "The West", you had never met Arvol Looking Horse, you had never met Miss N. and her family? You had never gone to a Sundance? What then?

I realize that I have so much more to learn. I always think I have gone so far, and again when I look ahead I find myself standing in the middle of this road, looking everywhere with no end in sight...

There is ONE thing I know for sure that doesn't interfere with any of my long list of "cultural barriers". That is LOVE.

Laughter, joy, and sharing stories. It never fails. It is a light, swift and clear way of communicating, and I am very grateful that we get to share this universal language.

It is the middle of November 2020 and I am starting my shopping spree for my family in Pine Ridge. I experience Christmas as an opportunity to give to other families that might need a little caring.

Gratitude 🩷

Sundance Ceremony in Piapot, 

Saskatchewan, Canada 2012. 

GO-FUND-ME Campaign

With your GENEROSITY a $1,000 to buy Christmas JOY, HOPE and CHEER for a family of 6 In Pine Ridge, South Dakota will be raised!

WHY:

In 2012 I started sponsoring two kids in the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota, through an organization that assist and supports many  people in that area of the world.

 
" One Spirit South Dakota" you can find them here:

 http://www.nativeprogress.org

I have been following these two kids steps closely through these past five years. 

Nalaw just turned 10, she is a great student, she wants to be a kitty for Halloween, and she wanted me to know that she started running track at school this year.
Phillip (her brother) is 9 years old and lives with his dad out of the reservation. It turns out that he did not need any more sponsoring, as per his father's request. Nevertheless we have been keeping in touch.

 Nalaw moved in with her auntie and 3 cousins, 3 years ago after she had been "home-hopping" since the passing of her mother when she was 6 years old.
(By the time she moved into her current home, she had been living at her step-dad's trailer with her brother, then taken to a foster home, (because kids were being neglected by step dad) meanwhile, her brother left to go live with his dad, and she was placed with her grandparents, until finally,  she is, currently, living with her auntie.)

Here is when I realized that I could no longer send gifts to her only, but I had to "adopt" the other kids too. Not as an obligation, but because I felt that as a kid, I would have liked to be INCLUDED!

This past June (2017) I drove with my daughter (12) and Goddaughter (11) to finally meet them all.
It was an unforgettable experience filled with joy, laughter, friendship and caring that left me wanting to give MORE!  That is the reason I created this campaign.

Just to give you an idea, funds will be used like this:

•Buy gifts for each of the kids.
•Gifts for the mom and dad.
•Fill out the stockings with little candy and toys for each member of the family.
•Get some edible items.
•A gift card for "Sioux Nation Supermarket" in their reserve.
•Wrapping paper, bags, boxes and cards and bows.
•Shipping.

I would need the funds by November 25th.

I will get a few days to shop, pack and mail, for them to get these gifts before Christmas.

It means the world to me assisting and caring for others, I can just see the joy and happiness of these kids as they open their presents and realize that the world, after all,  is a nice place for kids to grow older.

If you would like to participate you can help me reach my goal with your donation and sharing this campaign with all your friends.