Beyond Good Intentions: What Sponsoring a Child Really Teaches You
When I first decided to sponsor a child on a Native American reservation, I thought I understood what that meant — connection, support, maybe even the quiet satisfaction of “making a difference.” What I didn’t realize was how complex, humbling, troubled and deeply human the journey would be.
This reflection is based on my experience at Pine Ridge Reservation, where for twelve years I’ve sponsored Miss N., and eventually still help her extended family. The path has been filled with moments of gratitude, confusion, growth, uncertainty, misunderstandings, confusion, and as a bonus: unexpected love.
It’s not the kind of story that fits neatly into the feel-good, romantic boxes most organizations present — it’s messier, more real, and for sure it has many hidden corners that somehow, I would have liked to see beforehand, but thinking about it, the same principles apply to life.
If you’re considering sponsorship through one of those large non-profits, I invite you to read this post with an open heart.
What follows are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned — not as a donor, but as a person walking beside one child and her family, learning what giving and receiving really mean.
Acceptance is the first law of Spirit.
Let go of expectations. Things won’t unfold the way you imagine, and people won’t always behave how you think they should.
You only ever "see" what you are told. No matter how connected you feel, most of what’s really happening is beyond your reach, especially when you live so far away from your sponsored child.
Give unconditionally. Or don’t give at all. This has to become part of your ministry in the world.
At times, your generosity will be taken advantage of.
Relationships may hinge on financial support. If you give, you get information, If you don’t: silence.
Prepare for heartbreaking news. Frequently.
If you’re not Indigenous or blood-related, don’t expect access to information through social services. Even if the child is removed by CPS, caseworkers are unlikely to engage with you.
Many resources are promised; few are delivered. Often there’s “no room”for one more child, no follow-ups—and you're left in the cold fending for your sponsored kid.
Environment is everything. Sober, committed adults. Healthy friendships. Stability. These matter even more on the reservation, but usually that is not the case.
Distant support feels like an unreachable gift. It’s there—but often out of grasp.
Now I understand why so many sponsors walk away from sponsorship after a year or two.
I've gained compassion—and humility.
Are things meant to be this way?
Maybe it’s not about changing anything, but about showing up with care.
Still, I often question whether I was meant to intervene at all.
I think about how my life has been enriched because of this connection. How one small step took me into a new whole chapter of my life. I am grateful I took this chance.
The truth is, the world has a way of twisting even our best intentions.
That’s why experience matters.
Would I have started this connection in a different way, knowing what I know now? Most likely.
If you read all through here, let me encourage you: I totally, 100% recommend sponsoring a child in Pine Ridge, SD. or any other place in the world. It will surely change you, your life vision will expand, your heart will grow along with your patience.
Your gratitude will be multiplied and you will find sweet loving people that at first seem impenetrable, but at the chore they're caring and loving just like every other human being walking on this earth.
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